Old age, even extreme old age, is an experience in the journey of life that can come to each of us personally or to those whom we love.

It is a time when the soul can dilate in spite of the limitations that old age and infirmity impose upon the body.  The Elderly, like any other group, are not a homogeneous group.  Each person is different and individual; but all, sick and well, have a primary and essential value just by “BEING” by providing a balance in our society, by adding their own and beautiful dimension – a dimension that does not have its basis centered on achievement.  Old age, even in its frailest form, enriches the world and the Church.

Ageing is the process of growing old and begins for each of us at the moment of conception.  It is not a disease, but a pattern of changes accompanied by necessary adjustments, and unless there is  accompanying pathology i.e. illness or disease, these changes are normal and gradual and do not of themselves cause unhappiness.  As one advances in age, however, there is an inevitable slowing down when the non-essential is allowed to drop aside, and the energies are concentrated on the enduring.

Longevity permits the human being, little by little, to withdraw from direct contact with the world and to approach it in a new relationship.  There is a new attitude to time in which one can appreciate beauty and the small ordinary things of everyday life such as human companionship and solidarity.  There are new possibilities of contemplative prayer, for reconciliation with God and man;  new opportunities of being peace and love to others.  A time to be present to others, a time to give as well as to receive.  It can also be a time of loneliness, particularly if one has lost one’s life partner, and the frail elderly need our love and presence. In his talks to the Elderly, Pope John Paul II frequently reminds them of their value of their prayer and sufferings, love to the world. To elderly priests he says… “Keep on bringing the needs of the Church before God through your priestly service of prayer.”(1)

Those of us who care for the frail elderly have the task of respectfully facilitating their fulfilment of the roles that are proper to them in this phase of their lives.

In caring for those in their late nineties and even into the hundreds, I have found that they live at an incredible level of dignified serenity and peace. There is a developing closeness to the Sacred.

Stereotyping the elderly as bedridden, disabled and demented, is quite inappropriate to the majority of them. It does great harm to their image, influencing the way others see them (particularly the young) and sometimes the way they see themselves. It creates a fear in people of growing old. In a society dominated by stereotypes of youth and vitality, the elderly can be devalued. Most vulnerable are the frail elderly whose lives are perceived as unproductive and meaningless, and even a drain on the economy. The truth is, as a recent report by Kendig and McCallum (1986) demonstrates, the majority of the elderly live independently in the community and are likely to contribute more than they receive. However, there are those who, because of extreme old age, debility, illness or mental impairment, have reached a stage of dependency on others in one way or another.

This dependency is what many people fear about old age – they fear the loss of control over their lives and themselves. They fear that those who know and love them will see them as unlovable in this ‘humiliating’ state of decline. They fear being a nuisance, a burden, an object of pity or shame. The media can sometimes foster this type of thinking.

Those who favour Euthanasia often think along these lines – for them, death would be preferable – dependency in old age is to be avoided, it is degrading to the human person. As Christians, we know that this is not so. Cecily Saunders, the acknowledged foundress of the modern hospice movement in Britain, wrote that ‘The existence of a legal option for a quick way to death implies that there is little value in the person who is dying, and the journey he or she is making. Those of us who are close to the dying know how much he or she and the family would miss’.(2)

When a frail elderly person is dependent on others, unconditional love, acceptance and genuine respect are as therapeutic as any medication or treatment.

There is no such thing as professional distance in this type of nursing.  Warmth, humanity and empathy are essential to enable us to “Care about” as well as to “Care for” the person.  We must be willing to give time and to give it peacefully and graciously.  Of course this type of caring can be draining on the health and resources of the caregiver. In a family situation of care, there must be a realistic acknowledgment that there is need for the carer to have planned and adequate periods of rest and relaxation.  There must be laughter and joy as well as sorrow and pain, not only for the caregiver, but for the frail elderly person too.  Our Foundress, St Jeanne Jugan, used to say that we owe it to the old people to be happy. ‘They do not deserve sad faces’.

The adulthood and dignity of those who are dependent and weak are essential values to them.  It is diminishing to their personhood to treat them as children or babies.  They need privacy as well as companionship; they need deference as well as friendship.  To be too managing, too intrusive or patronizing is to diminish them. Nothing that we do or neglect to do should ever chip their sometimes fragile self-esteem. 

“True compassion does not stoop down nor act charitably towards another – it is to forget  oneself – to be attentive only to the other - to suffer with, to see and accept the other just as he/she is, to be open, ready to help, to share unselfishly, to relieve his/her burden by taking it upon ourselves” (3) (Sayings of Jeanne Jugan)

Frail elderly persons, even dying frail elderly persons, need as much initiative as possible in their lives.  This may at times require us to relinquish some of our power and efficiency.  They need to be consulted in their daily programme of care in order to achieve their optimal level of well-being.  Total care includes all the interlocking dimensions of their being – physical, spiritual, cultural and psychosocial.  And whilst helping them to find peace and happiness, we need the sensitivity to respect their personality and individuality and to allow them to set the pace and to find a level where they feel comfortable and where they feel they can cope.